prom :)

So, prom is coming up very shortly, and until yesterday, I didn't have a date.
Actually, Tuesday, Calvin told me that he was going to prom with Amber Mullins. And when he told me that I said "ew, I just threw up in my mouth."
I really hate this girl, she's annoying, and he knows how bad I hate her. It wouldn't bother me if he went to prom with someone that I didn't hate. But no, he has to go with Amber.

Well, Wednesday, Amber happened to be online the same time I was. So I imed her and acted like I didn't already know that her and Calvin were going to prom together. Then she finally told me. I kinda started being mean to her, and she didn't even realize it. She's so stupid, Alyssa and I hate her, and she thinks that we really like her!! I hate people like her!!! Anyways, she said that I had every right to be mad at her. I asked her how come she wasn't going to prom with her boyfriend Stevie and she said becasue Calvin asked her to go before her and Stevie got together. So I told her that I was gonna take Stevie to prom. and she was like, "oh you should, we could car pool" Ugh!! hello, new flash Amber, I'm being a total bitch to you!!!!! Well, she said that she wanted to go with Stevie, but didn't wanna hurt Calvin's feelings, but she was gonna talk to both of them about it. So Thursday she talked to them, she is still going with Calvin, and I'm going with her boyfriend :) I love me. I'm not doing it to just be a bitch, I'm also doing it to prove to Calvin that I don't need him in my life to have fun, and also, because I wanna go to prom. So now I am going. It might not have worked out exactly how I wanted it to, but it works out okay for me. So, I'm going to accomplish 3 things at once. I know that Calvin is gonna get jealous, but that's not gonna matter. As much as I love Calvin still, and I hate to say this, we are slowly drifting apart, and by the time comes when we 'meet up again' I'm afraid it's going to be too late. Actually, I am pretty sure that it's gonna be too late, becasue I am just fine with being friends now. It's just like it was before we dated, he seems happy, I am happy, so it works I guess. I can actually talk to him now without thinking about 'us'. I don't cry about him anymore and I don't wishe he would call me everyday. I guess you could say that it still hurts, it just hurts a little less. it really is getting easier for me.


I actually may be getting a new boyfriend soon. His name is Tyler. :)
my parents like him, he told his dad that he was gonna marry me--his dad told my dad that one. He's so cute, he's a year younger than me, but that doesn't really matter. he told me that his girlfriend kissed Andre--the black guy, and I said, well, I'm thinking about making him my boyfriend, he said "I'll kill him." I asked him why he even cared because he wasn't my boyfriend, and he couldnt control my life. Even if he were my boyfriend, he wouldn't control my life, that's not how it works in my relationships. :)

boys :)...again..haha

boys are stupid :)
haha...not really, well most of them are..lol
yesterday i got in an argument with ryan, we're not friends anymore because I finally told him how annoying i found his prescence to be. :)
so he told me how immature i was and how nobody really liked me and how I wasn't all that. But he's stupid, and I hate him, and I'm glad to finally have him out of my life :)

More boys. Jaylin texted me yesterday and told me he missed me, but I don't care. Tanya's boyfriend is being a jerk to her so I'm gonna break up with him for her :)
She tells me I'm not going to, but I'm gonna :) If he wants to be a jerk to someone, he can be a jerk to me when I break up with him for her :)

So there is a few boys that I kinda like...but..I dont think that any of them is gonna go anywhere.., not like I care too much though..I have other things to focus my attention on.

Soccer starts next week!!! I'm so excited!! I can't wait, I'm gonna go all out, because I wanna get better, and I wanna lose a few more pounds and look better for Summer :)

I skyped Alyssa yesterday during lunch. I got to see Morgan :)
I could talk to them too, becasue Mrs. Singleton let me use her headphones nad mike. Alyssa said that after I wuit talking to them, Morgan cried all afternoon!! :(
I"m gonna skype her again today during lunch, and then I get to go home early because today is only half a day. So I'm pretty happy. :)

Sleep Deprivation :(

Right now Im setting in 4th period, ima so freakin tired. But its not because Morgan kept me up all night, i chose to stay up until 3 am on the internet--my fault, not morgan's. She actually does pretty good sleeping, she wakes up around 5 or so to eat, which is good, becasue that's around the time i get up to get ready for school. Anyways...time for updates :)

So the whole Jaylin thing is over. It was over the Monday after it started :D But i really don't care all that much, but if it had lasted, then I wouldn't have got the reality check i got from Calvin.

I talked to him on myspace the other night for a while, then he told me to just call him later, cause he was kinda wanting to talk to me. So I called him, and we got to talking about "us" again. He said something, and I said "and this is the part where you tell me you love me, but you can't be with me. And that's what hurts me the most." I told him that I would rather have him tell me he hated me than to know that he loves me, but only keeps me around for his own satisfaction, and that is what he was doing. He said "you're exactly right." So then there was an awkward, kinda silent few minutes between us. The he asked me what he was supposed to do. I told him that it was time for him to make a desicion, he could have me or not. But he had to pick one, becasue I can't live like this. So then we got off the phone, and he texted me t he next day and said that it just wasn't going to work out. So Monday--his 18th birthday, I brought him his 2 shirts, and his keychain to him, he gave me back my keychian, and we haven't spoken since then. :( But maybe it is for the best, becasue he thinks im not good enough for him, well he said that's not how it was meant, but that's what he said. He said "I need what's best for me in my life right now, and right now, you aren't what's best for me." So then, I said, "so I'm not good enough for you" He also said that maybe later in the future we can be together, when he is able to support more than himslef. I think that as my boyfriend, he feels obligated to support me an Morgan, but it wouldn't have to be that way, and I have told him that time and time again. But I guess none of that matters.
I'm doing my best to move on, it may take a while, but im gonna make it, I always do.

I actually like two different boys right now, Andre and Tyler. But I can't date Andre, because he's black :( and tyler is in love with my best firend, but she doesn't like him!!! So yeah...its kinda compliacted...lol My daddy got mad just because of a picture i had of me and Andre together. He told me either I change it, or it gets deleted--that being my facebook. He's stupid, I mean, that was just a pic of me and him--as friends, no more than that. but it's whatever, I know that I have to respect their rules on this. And Daddy likes Tyler, he plays soccer with me. But I don't think its gonna go anywhere :(

Anyways, time for me to go to luch almost, so bye :) <3

Jaylin :)

So yesterday I decided to make a bold decision and get a new boyfriend :)
His name is Jaylin. He seems really sweet, but I guess we'll find out soon enough.
My mom thinks that I'm only dating him to make Calvin jealous, but she's wrong. I really like Jaylin, I'm dating him because I want to. Not to make Calvin jealous and try to get him back, because I have accepted the fact that that will never happen. So as a strong, independent woman, I've moved on :) Jaylin is really sweet, and I can't wait until we can hang out together. Hopefully next weekend we will be able to. We can't this weekend because of the baby shower, and he is going to Morgantown to see his brother. But hopefully we can work something out for next weekend. :)

I'm actually hoping that my mom might let me go to the movies with him..but idk..I'm not sure she approves because of the reason she thinks I'm dating him. But she's wrong, and she'll see that in time, if she gives it a chance. :)

My baby shower is Saturday. I'm excited to see all my friends that are coming. :) Tim is comig, which really makes me happy, he's super excited :) He just wants to see Morgan. Tori can't come because she is going to Chicago..Jessie is gonna be in Ohio :( But Tanya is coming, as far as she knows :) I really hope that Sydney and Cassidy get to come. Sydney got to see & hold Morgan the other day at Kroger, but Cassidy hasn't seen her yet. :(

I can't wait until I go back to school Monday, I really miss all my friends. I'm gonna miss Morgan so much though, I might cry while at school. lol. But I should be able to get Alyssa's twitter updates on my phone throughout the day--I told her to update often so I would know how Morgan was doing. lol. I guess I'm already and overprotective mother. lmao.
welp, bedtime for me :) goodnight people who read my blog :p

boys :)

so, my new motto for when it comes to boys is "don't chase 'em, replace 'em."

I've finally brought myself to accept the fact that me and Calvin are over, forever, we're not getting back together anytime in the future, so why let myself be heartbroken over him, and live in misery..? So, I've decided to move on. right now :)
I'm actually talking to this one boy--Jaylin, I like him a lot, he seems really sweet, but I'm not sure how it's gonna go. Seeing as, he is my best friend's ex-boyfriend, but I don't think she would mind if I dated him...but we'll see. If not him, I'll get a different guy. I actually like a few people, but we'll see where things go. What really made me decide to get over Calvin and move on like this, was the fact that he didn't so much as even wave to me the other day when i went up to Mrs. Singleton's room to get my things. He didn't say anything to me until I said "hey" to him, so to me, that says that he is ready for me to move on be happy again. I hope he's ready too though. :)

I went to church the sevening. I actually feel better after going. It was really good to see everyone. I haven't seen most of my friends for 3 weeks. I seen Zack :) He gave me a greatt big hug :) JC even gave me a hug :) I miss JC, we used to greatt friends, but somoehow we grew apart I guess, but he gave me a hug :) && I loved that :) I miss all my friends. I can't wait till I go back to school Monday, even though I 'm really gonna miss Morgie :) lol

Alyssa and I took TONS of pictures of her the other day, and we had a headband on her. we left it on her head all day. I think that it gave her a headache, because she started fussing and nothing would help her, so my mom took her and held her for a while, and she finally went to sleep, then my mom took the headband off and said that may be the problem...I think it might of been :( So then I felt kinda bad. lol
I feel like I'm a pretty good mommy, but I'm still learning, and when I'm older and have another baby, I'll learn even more, because each baby is different, and they are all learning experiences. :)

We're having Morgan's baby shower this Saturday. Some of my friends are coming that I haven't seen, so I'm excited. I'm just excited to see everyone. I liked church tonight, because not only did I enjoy it, but it got me out of the house. I really hare being locked up in this house. But with Alyssa being here the past couple days things seemed different. It was like it used to be. Just me and her. Not me har and Morgan (not that I don't love Morgan). Not her and her college friends--just us. And I've missed that. I guess that when she was in college she grew up a little bit, and I didn't so for me she was different, but now that she's home with me, we're just as close as ever and doing the same old crazy things :) Like the other night, we decided to build a snowman, and an igloo. The snowman was a success.....sorta...other than it being the most hideous snowman in the world. d: The igloo, not so well, we built up a wall for it that is like....2 feet high..but we don't have enough snow, since it's all melting. We are crazy, we shoveled 3 wheel barrels full into my yard to built our snowman and igloo. I can't wait till summer :) It's gonna be epic, the best summer EVER!!!!!