February 26, 2010

Morgan is officially two weeks old today, and she is doing great.

I love my best friend Alyssa so much! She had to write an essay for her online college class about someone that she admires. She chose me to write about! She posted it on her blog I read it, and I cried. Then I told my mom to read it and that I cried, halfway through reading it she took her glasses off and wiped the tears from her eyes and said "why'd you cry?" Alyssa said that her mom cried too. I really love her. I never thought that me having a baby at 15 would inspire someone, but she said that I do. I really like that. :)

SO with the Calvin drama...
My mom said that he seems like he's lost at school in the morning, like he looks out of place. I know what she means, because I hate going to school and not being with him, because he was so much of my day, my day is just not the same without him. I looked so forward to seeing him every morning, and kissing and hugging him. And I loved seeing him in 4th period and looking up at him from my computer screen like a little child. I miss going to his locker and putting in his combination--which happens to be my birthday. And most of all about school, I miss walking down the hallway after 6th period and seeing him standing by the lockers outside Mrs. Vaughn's classroom and smiling, then having to look away because I can't help but smile so big, and when I do that, I usually look like an idiot.

I haven't given him his Valentine's present yet. I'm not for sure if I will now...seeing as we aren't really talking very much anymore. My mom doesn't really want me to talk to him, because every time I do I try to act like I'm okay, but I usually start crying when she asks me what he had to say. There isn't an hour that goes by that I don't think about him. He's still such a HUGE part of my thoughts. He said that he doesn't like to call me because he feels like he would be interrupting me taking care of Morgan. But he really isn't I talk to Alyssa on the phone for about an hour each night. I would have plenty of time for him, and he doesn't understand that. He wants it to have just me, not me and Morgan, and he could have that. My mom would take care of Morgan if we were together and he wanted to come over and hang out. But I guess it's whatever.

Speaking of Alyssa, that reminds me..we're getting a horse!!!! YAY!! lol
She's getting a free one from some lady who isnt able to take care of him anymore. His name is Montana, he's 11 years old, and he's high spirited she said. Me and Alyssa are gonna ride him this summer. My mom said that she would take care of Morgan on a weekend if she was sleeping through the night, and I could go to Alyssa's.

Ugh!! this reminds me of that stupid girl telling me that I ruined my life by having a baby at fifteen. I don't think that I did ruin my life. I love my baby girl more than I could even dream of loving any other human being in the world. And even though, I may not be able to go out and hang out all the time, and party, like some teenagers do, I still have a life. I still have school, and friends, and I'm playing soccer, and I might go to prom, if I can find a date that is..