February 8, 2010

Last night I called Calvin, and woke him up. lol He was already asleep before 11. lol
Anyways, I told him that he could go back to sleep and I'd see him in the morning and said that hopefully he'll have good news for me. He said that he didn't know.
So the smorning I was texting him and he said that we needed to talk, I of course asked him if i was good or bad, he said that he didn't know, but it was the best choice. I said, I hoped so.

So then I got to school the smorning and we walked upstairs and was tlaking, he said that it was the best choice for us not to be together, becasue in the end it will hurt us both more, than ending things now. Of course, I don't agree, but oh well. He says that he made this choice entirely on his own, so if it's what he wants, then I'm not gonna argue with him about it. When he was telling me this though, he seemed like he was gonna cry, but it's whatever. If its what makes him happy, then I guess I'll find a way to be happy also. Even if it does mean me being miserable.

I think I wa more upset after him telling me this the smorning becasue I was so sure that things were gonna go back to being perfect for us, and then I was wrong. I guess I just got my hopes up too much. I need to quit doing that, because that's what hurts me the most I think. I need to just live my life as I did before. Care about myself only, and not let peple into my life like I did him, that way I can't be hurt by it. If I don't care, and I don't let people into my life like that, then I can't be hurt by them when they leave. Right? I think that's for the best. And Plus, I guess I don't need a boyfriend, I'm gonna have a baby, and she will take up plenty of my time, so I'm sure i won't be bored.


I can't wait until Alyssa comes home, mayeb having my best friend around will help me be okay. Cause then I'll have her around more, and maybe it'll help her too, since she and Josh keep having problems.. My mom said that no one will be able to come to the house until after the baby's born. Because, she doesn't want people there when i go into labor, and then after the baby comes home nobody will be able to come over for about a week or so. That way, we can get Morgan home andget her settled in and a bit of routine started. Maybe me being out of school for a couple weeks, and not being around Calvin will help me.