February 6, 2010

So it's 1:13 am. Saturday morning. I'm still up, because I'm not tired, and i wanted to write my blog for the day :p lol

Let's see, we didn't have school Friday because they were afraid the weather would get bad, or at least I'm guessing that's why, because it didn't snow, or rain until after school would have let out. But oh well, I'm glad we didn't have school, because I didn't want to get up the smorning and take a shower. Today was exciting here at my house. :P I actually spent most of the day screaming and yelling at my sister. She had to try and start an argument every time I would say something to her. Then when I would tell her to shut up, she would just keep on and on. So I called m mom at work and left her a message on her cell phone. My sister had me so upset today, all I could do was cry. SO my mother wasn't very happy because that could send me into labor.

My hands have been burning really bad today. Ever since I woke up the first time the smorning, they have been burning. It was so bad at one point today that I was crying. I don't know why it's happening either. I tried to put lotion on, and put them under cold water, but it didn't help. They aren't burning as badly now, hopefully the burning will go completely away.

I talked to Calvin for a little while. His mother let him use her phone to call me :) But when he called t he first time I had to tell him that I would call him back later because we were getting ready to eat dinner. So then I calle dhim back after dinner and we talked for a little while. He has his test tomorrow, so he needed to get plenty of rest. He told me that he was happy that I was able to deal with all of this okay. Like, me being pregnant, and us not being together, and everything else. But then I told him, t hat I don't handle it well. I may seem like I'm okay at school, but that's only because I don't like for people to see me cry. Calvin has heard me cry an awful lot, especially lately, but he has only seen me cry once.
And that was the night that I had to tell him I was pregnant. I was so upset. I really didn't want to tell him.

We were actually talking about this earlier. The thing I remember most about that night is me setting on my front porch with him kneeling down in front of me on the sidewalk. Before he left my house, he kissed me, and I told him that I loved him, but he didn't say it back. :( At that minute I knew that we wouldn't be together anymore. He said that it really upsets him to know that I have to go through this, and it kind of makes him mad also. He told me that he still loved me though, it was just beginning to be in a different way. And that really made me cry tonight, because I don't want him to love me in a different way. I want him to be "in-love" with me. But at least he does still love me. I told him what Jessica proposed, about us 'secretly dating', he said that he had honestly thought about that. But I told him that it wouldn't work, because his parents would find out eventually. So I now know that his parents are the primary reason that we can't be together. I jokingly said the other day that's there was nothing wrong with being friends with benefits. He said he had thought about that too, but I told him that I would feel kinda whorish doing that..I asked him what he would do if I just randomly kissed him one day. HE said that he didn't really know what he would do, he would probably kiss me back, but it would shock him.

Sydney sure does know how to make me smile though :) We've been talking on myspace all day pretty much. In our first period Criminal Justice class, we've been learning how to stop and frisk , and handcuff, and search, and all that fun stuff. She commented on one of my pics, and said that she couldn't wait to put me in handcuffs again :P She's so crazy :) I immediately started laughing and smiling when I read that.

Time for me to go to bed, I'll post again later :P
good night :)